The littlest bean

Throwback to when Tove was just 5 days old. I look at this photo and feel ALL THE FEELS. Everything was so new for her, for me, for our little family. We were still struggling with feeding due to tongue tie and I was having a hard time with my breastpump. My hormones were all over the place. Ben would come find me in the room just bawling my eyes out. Exhaustion, fear, and anxiety were pumping through my veins.

Yet here we are..

it’s amazing the amnesia after giving birth. I miss the newborn stage already but I’m trying to also remember how much of a struggle it was. I felt like nobody prepared me for the fourth trimester. I did so much prep for giving birth when in reality I should’ve been preparing for when we brought her home.

The best part of the photo is that it’s edited 😅 below is the real deal- taken at 2:42am with a pillow case covered in after birth mess and newborn poop.

The First Month

After a fight with PPD and a nasty struggle with PP anxiety I feel like I’ve finally managed to find a daily balance. I’m sure this is going to be turned upside down the minute I go back to work, but for now I feel like we’re navigating being new parents fairly well.

Tove has been with us a full month now and holy cow time goes by too fast when you have a newborn. They really do grow so fast and you can’t go back and rewind the precious moments. Plus all the hormones. It’s a trip. I feel like I’ve been on a trip since I went into labor.

She’s grown to 9lbs. Last we checked she also had grown to 23inches. Sooner than I want, I’m going to be her Mini-My and not the other way around 😭 she’s definitely becoming more of a chunky monkey.

She likes to stare at Tex and he gave her a kiss for the first time recently. Tove loves taking baths, the warm water really soothes her. We like to get in the bath together cause it helps heal Mamma’s stitches as well. She’s got a favorite pillow to lay on, it’s a down feather pillow and it keeps her warm. When we lay together though our temperatures both soar. She’s hot just like me.

Tove is wearing size 1 diapers now and is almost too big for her newborn onesies! She loves her breast milk and drinks 3oz in a sitting, my growing girl. She’s also started sleeping in longer stretches, I think we even got 5 hrs at one point!

She’s our little bird who peeps when she sleeps She’s definitely got good lungs and she found her voice screaming into both mom and dads ears.

We love her so much.

Pregnancy Photo Dump

I wanted to blog/journal throughout this pregnancy but honestly haven’t had the extra energy to put into it. So many unwritten blog posts and topics to cover, I wish I was just pregnant full-time and didn’t have to work so I would’ve been able to do more. Here’s a photo journal instead from the second and beginning of the third trimester. A lot of these are just mirror pictures but I still love seeing the progress and changes over time ☺️

I guess I finally felt like I was ‘showing’ at this point. Comical looking back on it now, she was still tiny in there.

I got approved to wear a different uniform at work. Tights being the main perk! Also had to pick up some larger t-shirts and sweaters from work.. living leaf and loving life in this picture.

At this point I was transitioning into wearing maternity clothes exclusively. Note the same outfits in rotation in the following pictures 😅. Since I spend the majority of my time at work in uniform, or at home in some state of undress I didn’t feel like it was necessary to purchase a bunch of maternity clothes/outfits.

Dad (Ben) and I took Tex to a park in Norman and got some exercise on a day off. First time I started feeling a bit short of breath and a bit ‘weaker’ during our walks.

Found an old skirt from Monki that worked with my growing belly as well. Finally felt a bit cute!

Felt like I was properly starting to show at this point!

Ben and I goofing around and getting excited to meet Tove.

Still been able to rock the heels throughout this pregnancy! Ask me again in a few weeks, answer might change.

At work selfie, just cause I felt like the pregnancy glow people always talk about finally caught up to me! My skin cleared up and I think my hormones started to balance out after a full year of ups and downs. I do feel like I look older in this photo though.. already aged and she hasn’t even been born yet 😅

Out on the golf course with Ben on a lovely spring day. Had to document that I was carrying precious life!

At the beginning of April you couldn’t quite tell I was pregnant straight from the front or the back, but once I turned from the side it was starting to be like SURPRISE.

Tex has been a momma’s boy throughout this pregnancy, very needy of attention.

Beginning of May we got a visit from Ben’s parents. Decided to dress up for Mother’s Day even though it felt a bit like cheating celebrating it before we even had a child born into the world. I will say I have a new found appreciation for my own mother this year.

All back ensemble before meeting with our midwife and doula.

Ben outside the Birth Center where we have our clinic meetings with our midwife and her assistant.

Some presents from our registry started to arrive and I was WAY TO EXCITED to not get everything out of the box and set up immediately. Really in love with how functional the travel set we got from Maxi-Cosi is.

Since we haven’t moved into a house yet and will (hopefully) only be at the townhouse with our newborn for a few months into the fall/winter we decided to wait on buying a crib and decorating a nursery. Bassinet for the bedside seems like it’s going to work great for us.

Ben and I joke about our daughter getting his ASSets instead of the ‘plat arsle’ that runs on my side of the family.

Wanted to set up the baby monitor the second it arrived I was so excited. I always am with new technology but the Nanit comes with some awesome features so Ben told me to wait until she was born, that way we didn’t miss out on a few months of free perks. Damn my impatience.. but I got it back in the box without much fuss.

My Pappa was generous enough to order us a second Maxi-Cosi car base, that way we can drive both cars without the hassle of having to reinstall the car seat every time. We still haven’t gone to the fire station to get them installed properly, but it’s on the June to-do list.

This is one of my favorite photos from the pregnancy so far. Not sure why but it reminds me of photos from when I was a child at our summer house in Sweden. Maybe it’s the half nakedness outside or the warm colors. Either way this is very typical of me.. plus Tex is always nearby.

Another selfie because damnit I want to remember life before sleep deprivation and no time for make-up!

At the end of May, I felt like I really started picking up speed in terms of belly growth!

A less than flattering photo of me outside the birth center. Not sure if it was the weather that day or the shadows, but them under eye bags would not quit!

Learning to adapt to pregnancy life includes always having to lay on my side to be comfortable. Preferably with a pillow in between my legs as well. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve woken up on my back in bed and forced myself to fall back asleep on my side. CANNOT WAIT to be able to lay down on my stomach again either.

Tex has been the biggest cuddle/snuggle bug throughout the last couple of months. I feel like the bigger my belly has gotten the more gentle he is around me and with me. He also has to have his face touching my belly if we are laying down together on the couch. He’s going to be very protective of baby girl when she arrives, I can already feel it.

My motto for this unmedicated birth and pregnancy has been “She believed she could, so she did.” I often wear the bracelet Ben’s mom got me a few years ago as a reminder on the daily.

More Tex + Tove bonding on the couch

Ben and I got back from Costco after buying some diapers and baby wipes and looked at each other, “It’s getting so real!”

I had my prenatal visit with a lactation consultant at Thrive Mama Collective. Was a very informative initial meeting and I am very happy with the level of care I’ve received since finding a network of midwives who have recommendations for nearly every aspect of my pregnancy. Shout out to Jessica Cheatwood for the time, knowledge, tips/tricks, and for guiding me through how to work my breast pump!

Hopefully there will be another photo dump from the last part of the third trimester as well.

Pregnancy Rage

I honestly had no clue it even existed until I found myself angry at the entire world, slamming doors, throwing dishes into the dishwasher and wanting to scream bloody murder for no apparent reason. Most days it is manageable and then there are nights like last night when I get home from work and have to clean up around the house, put the dishes up, and cook myself dinner at 9pm while Ben is fast asleep and it bubbles up inside of me like the nightmare that I know is waiting to happen.

I’m really hoping that the hormones will settle down after birth, because if this is a long term thing then Ben might want to consider living separately LOL.

Has anyone else experienced pregnancy rage? What did you do to combat it in the moment?

Breathing exercises are not enough for me and honestly sometimes on the road I feel like I should pull over and calm myself down because I can’t see straight enough to drive with all the other idiots on the road in OK. I thought Texas drivers were bad, but they’re something else up here. It was a trigger before I got pregnant and now it’s almost every time I get in the car. Which obviously isn’t safe for me or baby girl.

When I’m not experiencing rage everything else seems manageable, but it always comes out of the blue, VERY unexpected. I’ve never really had anger issues so it’s an entirely new emotion for me to be dealing with on a regular basis.

I’m going to start implementing a bit more meditation, as well as trying some prenatal yoga and getting proper “me time” before the baby arrives.