happiness – Pinksaint

I thought I had lost myself along the way with having a child and having changed my habits drastically in the last few years.

Somehow I found a new My (me 😝) when Tove was born; A stronger, more confident woman.

Traveling again and people watching has invigorated the old My. Not the bad habits or the mental issues… although let’s be real the mental monsters never go away, you just find a better way to manage them. But I feel like myself again, FUCKING FINALLY. I would apologize for the swear words, but no, that’s exactly how I feel.

I’ve been so torn between being My and being a mother and you know what? You can have your cake and eat it too. I can be the true me and be a great mother to my daughter.

I’ve needed this break so badly and I’m so thankful that I’ve gained the clarity to continue working to achieve my dreams. I cannot wait to show Tove the world and not let go of my own desires along the way.

Everyone warns you about how much your life changes when you have children but nobody ever emphasizes how much better you become as a person. Being a mother has empowered me to feel strongly and stand my ground.

The future is female and I birthed her.

This last week has been increasingly hard to get going in the mornings. Not that I’m tired, I mean I am, but that’s not the kind of struggle I’m feeling. I just feel no joy. Like I don’t want to be awake?

I’m hoping it’s just a phase and that it blows over quickly. The last two days have been excruciating in the mornings. I mentally tell myself to just power through until bedtime, but it’s no fun being a walking cloud of depression. I hate it because I look at Tove on a day like today, and she’s happy and I should be excited to spend the day with her off of work but instead I honestly would much rather turn all the lights off and stay in bed for 72hrs.

Just mentally not seeing the joy in life and that’s okay! Just in a funk right now…

Tag: happiness

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