It’s Her Right

Tove and I went to the women’s protest at the state capitol here in Oklahoma City again today. If Roe vs. Wade gets overturned we have decided as a family to make a plan to leave this country.

Hopefully by the time Tove is sexually active/menstruating I will have a resume that allows for me to seek employment abroad.

There were some great signs and speeches made this AM, I’m just ashamed I birthed a daughter here in Oklahoma of all places. 🙃

“White, religious, cis, men do not represent me.”

“There is something greater than gods will and that is my will.”

Oklahoma State Capitol Abortion Ban Protest

Today, for my first Mother’s Day with Tove being outside of my womb, we went to an abortion ban protest at the state capitol.

I can’t look into Tove’s eyes and tell her that she doesn’t have the same rights as a boy and that she doesn’t matter, because she does.

There were about 50-60 people at the protest. It was heartwarming hearing the cars honk on the underpass as we cheered them on with our signs.

I loved what one woman had wrote, “a quality man does not fear equality.”

I’m so proud for Tove to have a father that understands she should have bodily autonomy, and that it’s her right as a woman to make whatever medical decisions are necessary to her.

It’s terrifying thinking about how women might be punished under these new laws and it’s so unjust I couldn’t just be a keyboard warrior anymore.

#itsnotrighttimetofight #bansoffourbodies

Eight Months

What a difference Tove has already made in this world. So loved from many areas of the 🌎 globe.

We’ve been blessed to have her as healthy and happy as she’s been these first 8 months.

This last month, Tove’s appetite has definitely grown. She’s still breastfeeding 3 times a day but we’ve also added in 2 meals and some snacks throughout the day. So far anything puréed has been a hit, but she’s also been enjoying some baby led weaning. We’ve started with some watermelon, tortillas, avocado.. you name it, Tove eats it!

She’s still stationary but honestly, I’m grateful for any extra time we get. I am not ready to be chasing her throughout the house just yet.

Tove LOVES dogs, like a lot. She screams with happiness at both my parents dog, Ziggy and anytime she can get Tex’s attention at home. She’s also fond of other dogs on our walks 🐾

We’ve recently hit a fussy phase, or leap if you’re reading the wonder weeks. Lots of patience is needed from us as parents and it’s a work in progress. Luckily she’s still sleeping well throughout the night in her crib so we’re able to be sane throughout her tantrums.

I can’t believe we’re just a few months out from her first birthday… like I said, life changing.

Mamma älskar dig så mycket, baby girl 💕

High five!

Yesterday marked Tove turning five months old. A whole handful of months- high five to getting this far 😅

Five months out of the womb sure went faster than five months of pregnancy.

Tove is almost to the point of turning from her back onto her front. She’s fascinated by all things beverage/bottles – la croix, topo Chico, water and beers are her current favs. She also mastered griping things with her tiny hands- moms skin on her boobs included (ouch!).

We’ve successfully gotten a room set up for Tove now and she’s taken a few naps in her crib. Sleep has been a little less than stellar since we stopped using a swaddle but we’re still doing one okay stretch in the bassinet at night.

Tove has outgrown most 3-6 sized clothing already. She may be tall like her daddy because the 6-12 pants are already perfect for her. We’ve successfully gotten Tove to wear a bow and a hat without crying at this point as well!

Tove tried carrots for the first time and seemed to enjoy them, frozen blueberries were not as liked.

She shrieks in happiness when she catches eye contact with Tex our dog and I can’t wait to see what this next month of me staying at home with Tove brings.

Ending 2021

Not everyone has the same sentiments regarding 2021 as I do. It has been the greatest year of my life thus far. I couldn’t feel more empowered going into 2022- ready to continue on this path of success for me and my family.

Lots of changes ending this year and I’m really excited to see where next year takes us! Tove is 2 days away from 5 months old and we’ve just moved into our first home (thanks to the help of my parents- slaving away and cleaning over the last week!). I’ll be missing my old job dearly but keeping faith in my abilities going forward into new opportunities in 2022.

Cheers 🥂

3 + 4

Today Tove is 4 months old.

I didn’t write a blog post for her third month, mostly because it felt like chore on my never ending to-do list but also because 143 is a special number to ben and I. It means I love you; there is 1 letter in I, 4 in love, and 3 in you.. 143. A lot of the time I will message Ben 143 instead of writing it out and it’s been this way for as long as I can remember. Ben’s favorite number and his football number was always 4, my number is 3. On top of that.. Tove was born at 4:31 in the morning. So it kind of made sense in my mind to group these two months and blog posts into one.

Tove is still as happy as can be.. until she’s not. She’s finding her voice so lots of random shrieks coming from her these last two months. We’ve had a few tough car rides where she wouldn’t stop screaming. She’s growing to be tall like her Pappa, she’s ~2 feet tall now and we’re convinced she weighs more than 15 pounds. She’s still in size 1 diapers but she’s outgrown all of her newborn and the majority of her size 0-3 month clothing.

We’re still nursing and luckily after 2 weeks of oral exercises Tove’s latch has improved and she’s all healed. She’s definitely teething and putting all the things in her mouth. Tove has also started to hold things with her cute little hands as well. I have conversations with her daily and she’s so close to saying “hej!”

Ben and I live for her giggles and I never want her snuggles to end. We are so in love and my only goal in life is to keep her as happy as she’s been for as long as possible 💓

The littlest bean

Throwback to when Tove was just 5 days old. I look at this photo and feel ALL THE FEELS. Everything was so new for her, for me, for our little family. We were still struggling with feeding due to tongue tie and I was having a hard time with my breastpump. My hormones were all over the place. Ben would come find me in the room just bawling my eyes out. Exhaustion, fear, and anxiety were pumping through my veins.

Yet here we are..

it’s amazing the amnesia after giving birth. I miss the newborn stage already but I’m trying to also remember how much of a struggle it was. I felt like nobody prepared me for the fourth trimester. I did so much prep for giving birth when in reality I should’ve been preparing for when we brought her home.

The best part of the photo is that it’s edited 😅 below is the real deal- taken at 2:42am with a pillow case covered in after birth mess and newborn poop.

Texas Abortion Ban

This one hits close to home, in more ways than one. Not only did we consider having Tove in Dallas, but we also have family/friends still in Texas. Unfortunately rumor has it that Oklahoma is pushing for similar laws to go into effect here as well. This also hits close to home because like this post I shared on Instagram, there are so many reasons behind why a woman would ever choose to have an abortion.

I got pregnant in 2020 around the time Covid hit. Ben and I were SO EXCITED! Especially since all Ben has ever wanted in life is to be a dad. Having never been pregnant before, we immediately told our family the second I had taken multiple pregnancy tests and they all came back “pregnant”. When I saw the results on the pregnancy tests I cried because I was so happy and emotionally unprepared for what that feeling was going to be. We weren’t trying for a baby but I hadn’t gotten my period and well.. maybe the stars had aligned? So I scheduled an appointment with an OB, little did I know that I was about to be “Vanessa”.

I believe I was 6-8 weeks pregnant when I had my first appointment (this is the first time I’m writing about this and/or thinking about it since I pushed these memories into a “forget” folder in my brain.). Ben was at work so I drove to Edmond on my own and met with the OB for my appointment. Everything was normal until they went to listen for the heartbeat. I laid there on my own as they kept trying to search for one without avail. Something didn’t feel quite right. They told me not to worry because it was still early on in my pregnancy, maybe we were too early in fact and it just hadn’t developed yet. So I was sent to get some blood work/labs done next door and come back for my second appointment in 2 weeks. I left feeling very uneasy, but also had to share the “no news” with Ben that evening.

Was I worried? Hell yeah I was. But I had never been pregnant before and wanted to trust the doctors. However, a few days later I miscarried in the middle of the night in our apartment bathroom. It was a traumatic experience, but I am SO LUCKY that I didn’t need medical intervention. Or that I didn’t have to carry a “baby” to term who never even developed a heartbeat because I was past that 6 week mark. I am still grieving the loss from our first pregnancy, so much so that it totally robbed us of any joy our first trimester with Tove. In fact when I took the pregnancy tests and they came back “pregnant” I cried when I told Ben because I was so damn worried we wouldn’t be able to carry to term again. Plus I was so sick following the miscarriage and it continued well into my pregnancy with Tove. I was barely able to eat, I was violently vomiting all the time and had terrible IBS symptoms.. it was a nightmare. I cried so much in the beginning because I was scared to feel any resemblance of joy in case I got robbed again. We waited until the second trimester to tell our parents this time around and my mom told me “we are your family, you could’ve still told us” and it wasn’t that I didn’t want to share with everyone it was that I didn’t want to have to answer those calls or texts if I had another miscarriage. The aftermath was gut wrenching and emotionally draining and I didn’t want to have to share that with anyone again. Now imagine having to share with them that we had to have an abortion mid-pregnancy because our pregnancy was no longer viable. That’s definitely not something you want to share with the world.

Luckily we now have a beautiful HEALTHY baby, whom I was able to carry to full term but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t called planned parenthood out of fear because I didn’t think I could handle being so sick and losing another child. So to take away these rights from girls and women is so fucking ludicrous, and it hurts my heart for the ones who didn’t have as favorable of outcomes as we did. An abortion isn’t a quick fix or an easy decision, and I for one hope that my daughter will have the right to autonomy over her own body.

Donate to help other women HERE if you’d like.

Birth Affirmation Cards

The closer we get to our due date the more and more prepared I feel we are at home. Changing table has arrived from IKEA and we got a changing pad recently from Keekaroo as well. Plus after the baby shower so many of the items on our registry got purchased that the only thing left for me to do is mentally prepare for an unmedicated birth. I told Ben not to let me chicken out when the time comes and ask to go to a hospital just cause I want pain meds.

When we took our birthing class the instructor recommended we put together a few items to bring with us to the birthing center (which could also be brought to a stale hospital environment in case of an emergency transfer) so I decided to start working on an inspiration board today. I found some phrases on Pinterest but also drew from my own personal mantras and created some super simple affirmation cards on Canva.

If you want to see all 12 of them you can do so here. I’m no graphic designer but they are simple so you can use them as a template if you click the pen in the bottom left hand corner and change the phrases to fit your own birthing experience!