Spring fling

Tove’s napping in my arms so while I’m stuck on the couch I started surfing the web for shoes.

I came across these from Steve Madden and I’m slightly obsessed. The colors, the utility of the shoe.. yeah this is like the ultimate mom shoe for the spring/summer 😅 (nothing will ever replace my love for heels but utility!)

First Christmas

Meant to post this on December 31st… time flies when you’re getting settled into new routines.

The week of Christmas we moved into our house here in Oklahoma. My dad took time off work to come help move all the furniture, then help unpack everything and clean leading up to Christmas.

Traditionally we celebrate Christmas on the afternoon/evening of the 24th but due to the move my mother arrived that afternoon and we met my brother and his girlfriend Helena out for dinner. Then on the 25th, like most Americans, we celebrated Christmas with our traditional family meal. Felt a bit different but I was so happy my family made the trip up to celebrate with us.

The first Christmas of many more to come for Tove. It’s going to be so much fun 🎄🤶🏼

Ending 2021

Not everyone has the same sentiments regarding 2021 as I do. It has been the greatest year of my life thus far. I couldn’t feel more empowered going into 2022- ready to continue on this path of success for me and my family.

Lots of changes ending this year and I’m really excited to see where next year takes us! Tove is 2 days away from 5 months old and we’ve just moved into our first home (thanks to the help of my parents- slaving away and cleaning over the last week!). I’ll be missing my old job dearly but keeping faith in my abilities going forward into new opportunities in 2022.

Cheers 🥂

IG vs. Real Life

I call this the new mom edition.

Top photo is filtered and bottom one shows more of the “entire picture.” No shower, no make up, and two baskets of laundry that need to be folded and put away.

I hope social media doesn’t negatively affect Tove as much as it did me in my teenage years. It’s so easy to forget that most of what we see has been curated, and isn’t always the truth.

Double date

Two weekends ago Ben and I went out with Sierra and Quez for drinks. We don’t get out much.. bet you can’t guess where we went 😅 (hint) Of course Tove was equally as sociable.

Sierra and I met through work and I’m so happy she’s become one of my best friends. I’ve learned patience from her and I envy her ability to keep her thoughts to herself.

It’s a bummer we won’t be working together after next week but I’m super excited for all the future get togethers we will have!

Ben was in full dad mode at Social Capital wearing Tove and dancing for her smiles. Although it was windy the weather was good enough to sit outside in December 😱

3 + 4

Today Tove is 4 months old.

I didn’t write a blog post for her third month, mostly because it felt like chore on my never ending to-do list but also because 143 is a special number to ben and I. It means I love you; there is 1 letter in I, 4 in love, and 3 in you.. 143. A lot of the time I will message Ben 143 instead of writing it out and it’s been this way for as long as I can remember. Ben’s favorite number and his football number was always 4, my number is 3. On top of that.. Tove was born at 4:31 in the morning. So it kind of made sense in my mind to group these two months and blog posts into one.

Tove is still as happy as can be.. until she’s not. She’s finding her voice so lots of random shrieks coming from her these last two months. We’ve had a few tough car rides where she wouldn’t stop screaming. She’s growing to be tall like her Pappa, she’s ~2 feet tall now and we’re convinced she weighs more than 15 pounds. She’s still in size 1 diapers but she’s outgrown all of her newborn and the majority of her size 0-3 month clothing.

We’re still nursing and luckily after 2 weeks of oral exercises Tove’s latch has improved and she’s all healed. She’s definitely teething and putting all the things in her mouth. Tove has also started to hold things with her cute little hands as well. I have conversations with her daily and she’s so close to saying “hej!”

Ben and I live for her giggles and I never want her snuggles to end. We are so in love and my only goal in life is to keep her as happy as she’s been for as long as possible 💓

Don’t forget to feed yourself

I have been hungry for three days now. Doesn’t matter how much I eat or how many supplements I drink. Breastfeeding is exhausting me and triggering my eating disorder to a whole different level.

Being a new mom is hard, there are so many changes that happen overnight that are impossible to prepare for. You have no idea what life is going to look like on a minute to minute basis and it’s all about the new life you brought into the world.

I just want to take a moment and say how much it just SUCKS after having a baby. Yes it’s beautiful and magical and you have a being who you created in the world, but it’s okay for women to say that it sucks also.

I’ve struggled with eating disorders for the last 15+ years of my life and it was a struggle during the pregnancy, and it continues to be a struggle postpartum.

I don’t have the same animosity towards my body that I used to have because it never got me anywhere. It only let Ed (eating disorders) walk into my life easier. However, I will say that the changes are hard to swallow. The flappy boobs with big nipples don’t make you feel as sexy as you used to be. The wider hips.. well those can stay 😋 but the loose jiggly belly, naaah. It’s an adjustment phase, I’m learning to live in this new body just as much as Tove is learning to live in hers.

I just get so disheartened when I think of all the moms out there who are affected by the “snap back” culture. Priorities immediately change and it’s ridiculous to think that a new mom needs to be struggling to fit in work outs when she can barely fit in the time to shower.

Another thing I wish people would stop doing is commenting on women’s bodies after birth (before and during as well but that’s beside the point). Whether you are meaning to give a compliment or not doesn’t matter, just keep your thoughts to yourself. “You lost all of the weight so fast!” You don’t know if that mom is struggling to keep weight on and you may have just sent her on a downward spiral because of the unnecessary comment. Just keep it to yourself.

I guess I didn’t realize that after pregnancy I’d still need to consume more calories in order to keep my supply of breast milk ample. In fact, I’m consuming more calories now than I was during my pregnancy and it’s exhausting. Before being pregnant I regularly struggled with finding time to eat. Especially when I worked. I stand a lot at work so sometimes I don’t notice my body’s hunger cues, leading me to go long hours without eating. Which then leads to me being nauseous to the point where I can’t eat. A downward spiral really.

The thing is.. I used to be able to come home and medicate with cannabis to quell the nausea and relax enough to sit down and eat. These days things look a little different. It takes me longer to calm down and be able to eat. I feel like I’m always behind on meals and with breastfeeding I need to eat even more so I am constantly playing catch up.

Plus I feel like every time I’m finally in the mood to eat, something else happens that needs my attention. The majority of the time it’s Tove, but there’s also moments where Tex needs attention or I get caught up in trying to fit in everything else on my to do list. Luckily Ben is helpful and knows to make me oatmeal in the middle of the night and in the morning. I’m getting better at holding my space but it’s a work in progress.

On top of that I’m still wanting to try to eat healthy because what I eat effects what goes into the breast milk I make for Tove. I find that the majority of snack bars, fig bars, and protein bars are laced with sugar. The same goes for ensure and boost drinks. Drop any recommendations you may have for calorie dense low sugar snacks in the comments, please I beg you.

I guess I just needed to vent a little because I’ve been struggling hard recently.

To all the other moms out there feeling some type of way- it’s okay, you ain’t alone! I just think of the safety guide on airplanes, you can’t put an air mask on someone else if you’re passed out from no oxygen. So mamas, put your air mask on first.

She is blooming

Snapped these photos of Tove wearing some of the gifts she received at the baby shower.

This onesie was gifted by one of my favorite people I’ve met here in Oklahoma, Sierra. It reads “let kindness bloom” and I love the message.

I hope Tove grows up to be a kind and compassionate human.

The socks and matching bow were gifted from Megan, my high school friend in Dallas.

I love the socks because the bows on top as well as the color markings make them look like little shoes!

They may be one of my favorite gifts we received simply because mamma has a shoe obsession and Tove is obviously not walking yet.

Tongue Tie Revision

Tove went to her first dentist appointment this morning! We went to see Dr. Bailey Coleman in Midtown after she was recommended to me by both Jessica, my lactation consultant, as well as my midwife, Brandy.

We had an early morning appointment and Tove looks like she was mad at me for making us late by getting stuck in traffic on 35 😅 You’d think I would know better at this point. ANYWAYS… If you read her birth story you already know that she was born with a tongue tie. Our midwife cut her tongue tie shortly after birth with scissors because she was unable to latch. However, even after having the frenulum cut, Tove was making a clicking noise when breastfeeding and also kept chilling with her tongue out of her mouth, among other things. There’s quite a few symptoms of tongue tie and if you are getting a poor latch with your newborn, it’s definitely worth having a consultation just to see if there’s any ties present.

Since Tove had been gaining weight steadily and we were still able to breastfeed with a poor latch I was okay with waiting 3 weeks for this appointment. Dr. Coleman comes HIGHLY recommended, and now after I can say she’s definitely worth the wait (if you have the possibility to do so). Had our midwife not cut the frenulum under Tove’s tongue, I don’t think we would have been able to wait longer than a week to readdress the ties.

After the paperwork I sat in the chair with Tove and the dentist had a look inside her mouth and her assistant took some photos for us to see what areas needed to be addressed. Dr. Coleman was very thorough with her explanations of the procedure and the aftercare. She wasn’t pushy in what she believed need to be revised, only presented her findings and then left the rest up to Ben and I (mom & dad).

Tove had a pretty restricted upper lip and the chances for speech impediments as well as a gap between her teeth was a little higher and so Ben decided it was important for him that we got it sorted. Her tongue was still not able to reach the top of her palette which could inhibit the development of her palette and sinuses further down the road, so I think that one was a no brainer that it needed to be addressed as well.

Tove was all smiles and tongue until it came time to do the hard part, using the laser inside her mouth to fix her tongue, lip, and cheek ties. They swaddled her and gave her protective glasses and let us snap a few photos of the little cutie first.

The procedure was the difficult part for me. Ben stepped out of the office and I stayed with Tove. Although the whole procedure probably took less than 2 minutes, it felt like a lifetime for me. My mamma heart was HURTING watching the procedure mainly because I have never heard Tove scream bloody murder. I even told Ben in the car during the ride home that we must be decent parents seeing as though we’ve never heard her cry like that before. Dr. Coleman used the laser to cut four different points inside her mouth, upper lip, 2 cheek ties, and one cut under the tongue. The smell was a little off-putting but also reminded me of when I got laser hair removal.

After the procedure was done, I grabbed my phone and Dr. Coleman had me film while she gave me instructions on daily exercises we have to do with Tove’s lip and tongue. I went ahead and edited the video when I got home to remove Tove’s scream so that I could share it with both Ben and our Nanny. Since the exercises need to be done every 4-6 hours for the next couple of weeks I figured it would be best if every one who watches her knows how to do them. Mostly because if we don’t do the exercises then all of this will be for naught. The mouth heals quickly and can heal the way it was before the procedure, and we don’t want to have to redo this ordeal. I would way prefer it if Tove never even remembers this happened.

After giving us detailed after care instructions, we were left with Tove and I tried to comfort her a bit with my boob but dad was the clear winner when it came to calming her cries. We stopped at Sprouts to grab some Arnica, a natural pain reliever, but I also popped into Walgreens to grab infant Tylenol. Dr. Coleman recommended having Tylenol at home, even if we don’t use it just incase we find ourselves needing some at 2AM randomly. Once we got home we fed her a bottle and I also breastfed her. She instantly had a better latch and the clicking noise went from being heard every other suck to intermiddentily being heard.

Fingers crossed that the healing isn’t too hard on Tove and that we are well on our way to breastfeeding/developing without any more issues!